I’m 98.4% Certain I’m Not Running The MCM.

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And I’m not happy about it. At all.

Dammit. I thought I could do it this year. I really did. I knew I was behind the ‘8 ball’. I wasn’t where I needed to be. But I had the desire this time. That was the key. Getting out of the door wasn’t the problem anymore, the problem would be my will, my desire, my want, my ability to do what I didn’t want to do, my ability to push myself.

I got the Go Ahead from my new foot doctor with my ailing right ankle and all was good for a month. I got magic insoles to put in my shoes that actually cured what ailed me instantly for the good doctor (Ben Pearl, MD, or whatever, he’s in Arlington VA on George Mason Dr. Great guy).

You can read about my experiences in my previous posts but to summarize I enjoyed them as much as a man could in 90degree+ weather.

I don’t really feel like recapping my previous runs right now.  I’m all but sure my marathon run has been postponed. I don’t want to declare as much, but I went to the foot doctor a few days ago to check out that ‘awkward bottom foot pain’ or whatever I called it … and ….. well … here’s the news …..

A) Yes, those are my bed sheets … B) yes, I did just throw my laundry to the side for the picture … C) no, I haven’t folded them yet … D) yes, I am that white … E) hot damn, thats a big boot, right? I mean, damn!

My big regret is not asking my doctor if this boot is actually mine after ‘I’m healed’, cause I really, really really, want to color this thing Iron Man colors and make noises as I walk and …. nevermind. Still …. it’d be cool to be Iron Man … right?

My next visit is Sept 12, were I get another X ray to see how things are doing. I can’t imagine I get the OK to run and train that day. Best case scenario I do but I’ve had already lost 5 weeks of training and I try to cram 3 of 4 months  …. of … dammit …

A stress fracture. I can’t rush this.

I can’t. I came to the somber realization in the doctors office but I didn’t want to lose all hope … but …

Dammit.

Dammit.

I thought I would this year.

It’d be hard, but I’d do it.

Dammit.

Get healthy and run a lot. Then run more.

A good plan.

Dammit.

Dammit.

I really did think I’d do it this year.

Every time I ran I thought about how I’d run the marathon.

I love having a long term goal.

Dammit.

I don’t want it to be a year long goal.

Again.

Again.

Dammit.

It’s a horrible feeling giving up on a dream (for a 2nd year in a row) that’s beyond your control.

A dream that not many, if any at all (hi mom!) thought you could do.

I hate delaying this. I really do. It pains me because I really do think about the marathon a lot.

It’s become a giant hurdle in my life. I need to do this now. It was something I didn’t want to do before, even before I signed up for it, but it is now something I need to do. Running 26.2 miles would be cool. I might do just that. But unless I run the Marine Corps Marathon, I won’t stop till I do.

It has become my goal. At least for this year. Again.

I wouldn’t mind it being a thing I do every year.

But I want it to be a thing I do in 2012.

Dammit.

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