“The Battle for the Bulge…”

by

About a week ago, I get a text from Mike.
“ummm, we had 760 page views today,” it said. “did u take out an ad or something.”
“Wow,” I replied. “I did nothing. Probably a photo you posted.”
“I dunna, alot of ur old post are getting a poo load of hits.” (He really talks like that).
Let me pull back the curtain for a second. We don’t get many hits on our site. We usually top out at about 100 hits on days that we post something. That’s fine. We aren’t trying to be famous or anything, we’re really just amusing ourselves. It’s pretty standard to get about 10-20 hits per day. The thing is, 99% of those visitors aren’t interested in the Running Jerks. Most likely, they were searching for funny dog pictures and Google sent them our way. I’m not joking. This picture alone is responsible for about 75% of our web hits.

How do I know this, you ask? The internet is a wonderful thing. Mike and I don’t know who is visiting our site, but we can find out why. We know that our links on Facebook are responsible for all of our legit hits. We know that the most common searches that lead people to our site are “happy puppy, funny llama, berner puppy, etc.” That’s why I just assumed that one of the stupid animal pictures that Mike posts were responsible for our sudden spike in readership. Hell, I could title my next blog post “MEGAN FOX NUDE LESBIAN WHIP CREAM BANANA SPLIT” and it’ll triple our readership. Again, the internet is a wonderful thing.

I didn’t really think anything of it. The next day, though, we got almost 1,000 hits.

Something else was interesting about the spike: the most popular page was this post. Go ahead, click on the link. Don’t read the post, just check out the pictures. I’ll wait… You back? Good. Notice anything? Don’t say it yet, just keep it in the back of your mind, this will all make sense in a second.

Obviously, I needed to do some good ole’ fashioned Batman detective work. It seems the top referrer to our site was no longer Facebook, it was a message board called “BellyBuilders”. Intriguing. Want to know what’s up with BellyBuilders?

“BellyBuilders” is all about guys with guts – the battle for the bulge and the appreciation thereof. Gainers, encouragers, BHMs (Big Husky/Hunky Males) and their admirers are welcome be they straight, bisexual, gay or unwilling to put themselves in a box in this regard, with the focus being on the growing male form. Here small guys on their way, big guys, and the big guys going further all come together to talk about their endeavours with one another and those who appreciate their efforts. Occasionally discussion will go into inflation and other waistline enhancing pursuits… Whilst this site is intended for an adult audience, generally genital nudity is frowned upon where it’s the clear primary focus of an image. Where a photo has artistic merit or a person just happens to be naked as opposed to their nakedness being the primary focus of the image, the image may be allowed to remain at the sole discretion of the moderation team.”

For those who don’t like reading, here’s the cliff notes: 1). It’s a site for fat guys who like being fat and would like to be even fatter , i.e. BHM, or  Big Husky/Hunky Males; 2). It’s not necessarily gay site (wink); 3). Genital nudity is frowned upon, but not prohibited (double wink); 4). Nakedness is okay, as long as being naked isn’t the point — being FAT and naked is the point.

Remember my post that was receiving the most traffic? The one that featured pictures of me at my absolute fattest? Yup. Ladies and gentlemen, I am (or was, rather) a BHM! I dared not venture deeper into the message board to find out exactly how our site was mentioned, but I got the basic idea. Somehow, someone found our site and said to himself, “That Paul is one hunky/husky male. I bet my buddies at BellyBuilders.com would love to take a gander.”

Some people will say, “Wow, that’s really creepy.” Those people would be wrong. It’s not creepy at all. It’s awesome. I spend quite a bit of time worrying about getting fat again. For what? I have no need to worry. If the draw of sitting on the couch and eating Taco Bell all day becomes too strong, I know I’ll have a place that I’ll be accepted. I wish I knew about BellyBuilders sooner.

There is a problem though — one that needs to be addressed. Our hits have gone way down. No longer is this site sucking on the teet of BellyBuilders (hows that for some BHM imagery). No, we need to get back on their radar. Problem is, I used my best Fat Paul pictures. Wait, what’s this?

It’s post-quiting smoking / pre-weight loss Mike! That should do the trick.

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