A Drunken Correspondence from Mike


Mike likes beer. He also likes to talk about running in the 2010 Marine Corps Marathon when he drinks beer. As for training for said marathon? He’s still working on it.

Mike came over on Tuesday night to watch the season premiere of “Lost” because time travel and alternate dimensions hurt his head and he needs someone to explain the intricacies of what he’s seeing. Why he chose me to explain these intricacies I’ll never know. Anyway – he came over, we drank some beers, watched “Lost”, and shared some laughs. We hung out until about 3 a.m. when I decided to hit the sack. Since it was snowing, Mike stayed over. By the time I woke up – around 9 a.m. – Mike had already left. At some point between 3 a.m. and 9 a.m., Mike got really excited about the marathon and scribbled down a new plan of attack on a sheet of paper. He folded up the paper and placed it on my fridge. That note stayed on the fridge – undiscovered – until last night, when Mike came back over and saw the unmolested note still on the fridge.

“You guys haven’t seen the note. Have you?”
“What note.”
“Yeah, you haven’t seen the note.”

Below, I present the note (Click on image to view full size):

Beer may not be something thats is required to quit because in regards to training for a marathon, but it won’t hurt.
5 AM – 2/3
Dear Jerks Whom It May Concern,
I believe that it is in my best interest to write this although it is in the same way that I don’t. I intend this to be a written contract for my best interests in training for the Marine Corps Marathon 2010 (did I spell it wrong?).I know I need to run a lot to train. That’s not enough. I’m a dumb slob that’s gonna need a kick in the ass. I kicked cigarretes to the curb without any help. The unfortunate people who konw me know that I love beer. Love beer. A weekend without beer… is a weekend devoid of beer, which is a dumb idea. With that, I present my pre-emptive Training regiment… of sorts… After Super Bowl Sunday; I QUIT BEER (till the marathon).
A lofty statement, sure. Impossible? Yes. That’s why I give myself these “BEER DAYS.”…
– St. Patty’s day – duh.
– Any Day at Camden Yards – C’mon man
– July 3/4/5 – I’m allowed 2 of those days
– Oct. 15 – Fuck off, its my b-day
– Paul/Rachel’s wedding – *Gun Fingers*, including rehersal.
(Also gonna need any/all bachlor party Days)
(Also gonna need any important CAPS games at my discretion)
As a written agreement, any friend seeing me drinking a beer, not on above days, I owe $10. This note applys to anyone not named Mike Roberts.
– Signed, Mike Roberts

Villainous Victorian Velociraptor picture unrelated, but awesome.

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