Enlisting Natural Ion Technology For Battle


3751771110_78f989e9b2_oThat’s a pretty stupid headline. I’ll kinda explain it later. The picture relates to nothing and is here only because I like it.

Saturday was the 10K Nike Human Race. Roughly 117,000 people worldwide with the Nike+ Ipod thingy signed up for this race, which basically consisted of running 6.2 miles anytime on Saturday. Apparently I had already completed the race on Thursday when I ran my 10 miles. I wasn’t planning on running another 6.2 miles on Saturday because all day Friday I could barely move my legs. They were sore as shit. I had to pick up my left leg to throw it over my knee because it wasn’t gonna do it on its own. Before any accusations  start flying around, I sit lady style while pondering life’s greatest riddles, but only then.


Not at all like that

Along with the soreness came the mysterious right-side knee pain/discomfort. It never hurts when I run, but only the day after running. 2 days after a run, right as rain. Detective Mike is stumped. No amount of white plastic bins piled in front of the door will solve this riddle (don’t get it? read all my other posts then). Any ideas, disembodied hard thinker dude?



I’m going to ignore it till it gets worse, which is exactly how I got out of shape and a fat belly, so another sure fire Manners Plan.

Anyhoo, woke up crazy early on Saturday (because I have no job and my sleep pattern is nuts and its hard to sleep for more than 4 hours at a time now for me) with pretty much no more soreness or nagging ankle/knee/butt problems. In a clear sign I’ve changed a little since this whole thing started, I thought “screw it, I’ll run”. On a Saturday. In October. While raining. With College Football on. If you don’t quite get it, that scenario ended with me staying in on the couch 100 times out of 100 before now.

Paul came over to run the 10K on my usual trail, which mostly includes uphills if you run a certain way. But since Paul is Paul, he brought everything he needed except for his running shoes and the Nike+ sensor thingy. Super Genius then had to go home to get all his nonsense. I wasn’t willing to wait so I was gonna do the run without him (cool story Mike).

It was raining all damn day on Saturday; on and off though. Right as Paul left, it stopped again and sunshine was peeking through. I thought this would buy me a lot of rain-free time so I saddled up and started the 10K around my soggy neighborhood. Of course, it started raining hard again about .25 miles into the run and it didn’t stop for 4 miles. This caused many problems.

I hate rain. A lot. It is my kryptonite (along with Fair Oaks Mall). It weakens me and makes me want to lie down and makes me feel awful and grumpy and uuuggghhh I just hate rain. This caused me to walk a lot more often than I wanted to. Also, I wore a snug white Under Armour type shirt, which of course became see-through instantly so I gave all passerby’s a nice show of my sexy parts (IE nipples and belly). The rain also caused my ear buds to not be able to stay in my ears so I had to run the whole damn 10K without music, which is the only thing that keeps me from fully realizing how stupid running is while actually running.

I can't think of a dumber movie title than this one

I can't think of a dumber movie title than this one

The whole run was just miserable. If it wasn’t for the Nike Human Race I would have never ran it. 2 miles into it I desperately wanted to make a B line back home, but I continued on for reasons I’m not quite sure of.  I’d rather run with hornets in my shorts than run a 10K in the rain. Officially, the run was 6.21 miles, a shade under 1hour 10min, 11min 14sec pace, 874 calories burned.

I'm in there, keep looking

I'm in there, keep looking

Oh, another reason the run sucked because of the rain: I got real pruney. Its a sexy thought, but when I go in the pool or whatever, it doesn’t take long for my hands or the bottom of my feet to get all pruney. You know what I’m talking about, either you get it or you have a friend that does, all those disgusting wrinkles. Yes, people like me are freaks for it, but it happens. My new shoes, as it turns out, are great at retaining water, so I essentially ended up running in puddles in my shoes. The bottom of my feet got all wrinkly and if you don’t know, it hurts to run on wrinkly feet. After awhile, it feels like running on bumpy cardboard. I hate rain.

I also ran today, which I guess is a personal best 3rd time in 5 days. 3.8 miles, 36min 49sec, 9:41 pace, 534 calories burned. Walked too much, still a great time for me though. Good weather, good run, no pain in ankles or knee right now. I’m stoked. I’m actually looking forward to running on Wednesday. Hell, I might run again tomorrow.

I suppose I should explain the Ion technology headline. I went to Target today to buy shit I don’t need and ended up spending too much time in the “exercise” aisle. Most of the time was spent talking myself out of buying free weights and assorted As Seen On TV gadgets. What did catch my eye was these different Bell Fit  braces/supports that looked really comfortable for pretty cheap. The braces are these rubber/nylon that are very snug when you slip em on. I bought 2, 1 for ankle and for 1 knee. I’ve been wearing em since the run and they are very much comfortable (knee one is squeezing the life outta my knee though) even though I don’t know if they are working at all.

I guess the big selling point for these things is the Natural Ion Technology they have. At first that sounded very stupid to me. I read the back for maybe some clarification. Ahem…

What Are Negative Ions?  -Ions are naturally occuring atoms that carry a positive or negative charge. Negative ions are most prevalent near areas that can make you feel refreshed like waterfalls, ocean shorelines or even long showers. Positive ions are associated with pollution, physical stress, electronic equipment and other sources. ”

Ions For My Ankle?” -The ion pattern on this support is embedded with proprietary iPure 3-in-1 Energy formula developed through blending naturally occurring elements that produce negative ions.”

*Not pictured: Ions

*Not pictured: Ions

Guh, that’s a lot of horse poo. I’d go on about how damn stupid all that is but I’m tired of writing. For the record, I’ve enlisted the powers of Ions and Superfeet to combat my pains instead of seeing a doctor. That’s the Mike Roberts way.

2 Responses to “Enlisting Natural Ion Technology For Battle”

  1. sandy Says:

    Could you tell me where you bought your knee support?

    • Mike Roberts Says:

      I got it at Target. It was cheap (under $15), but I wouldn’t recommend it. It’s very tight on the knee and not a pleasure to run with. I guess its fine to wear around the house, but its very restrictive while running. I won’t sing its praises or condemn it, but if you have slight or nagging knee problems I’d seek paid help. A $15 knee support in Target will give you what you paid for; temporary comfort.

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