Race #4: The Great Pumpkin 5K

by

PUMPKIN

For those unfamiliar, I’ve spent the past 3.5 years as a community sports journalist. Basically, I treat your son’s high school football game as if it was the NFL. It ain’t a bad living… wait, sorry, I misspoke. Given the economic climate, it’s barely a living. That said, I still enjoy what I do. During the past 3.5 years, I also think that I’ve learned some tricks of the trade. For instance, I know exactly what to say to make a senior girls volleyball player cry after she just played her last game. I know that you get the best quotes from offensive linemen because they aren’t used to being interviewed and they have no internal censor. I also know that if you asked a player about their team’s confidence level heading into an important game/tournament/championship, you will get one and only one response.

“We’re confident, but not cocky.”

You will hear that exact phrase every time. Not a variation of the phrase – that exact phrase. 100%.

It’s like Pavlov’s Dog – you ring that bell and gosh-darnit, their mouths are watering with cliches. (Quick side-note: like Ivan Pavlov, I’ve made a breakthrough in conditional reflex. It’s called Paul’s Dog. It goes like this: When you ring the bell, my dog pees on the floor. When you don’t ring the bell, my dog pees on the floor.)

Let’s just say, at last Saturday’s Great Pumpkin 5K in Reston, I was cocky.

You see, I was heading into my fourth official timed race. In my last 5K, I dropped over 3 minutes. In my last race, I spent the entire time passing people. Adding fuel to the fire, my girlfriend, her brother and his girlfriend were all entering the race as first-timers. Me, the grizzled veteran was gonna show these newbies the ropes.

If they were paying attention to me, they have learned that you run a 5K by darting out as fast as you can from the starting line, hit a brick wall around the mile #1 marker, spit all over yourself, nearly keel over in pain and limp to the finish line while 50-year-old women pass you on either side.

Yup, I didn’t really play that one right.

What’s the whole “spitting on yourself” comment about? Well, I do a lot of spitting when I run. Swallowing any excess saliva is just way to much work, so I usually just turn my head to the left and let fly. Not being a barbarian, I always make sure I’m not going spit in somebody’s face. Well, around the time I hit the wall, I needed to spit real bad. I looked to my left. Nobody there. So took a deep inhale and started to let it out, when out of nowhere, a runner appears in my field of vision. I quickly suck in while throwing my right hand over my mouth. I don’t really understand the physics of what happened, but let’s just say I spit all over my own face and move on.

DSC00508Here’s my stat-line: #146 Paul Frommelt, 26, Chantilly, 24:16, 7:49 pace

I finished 146th out of 470 men (I should also note that 49 women beat me as well). 18th out of 63 men age 25-29. My time of 24:16 was my best by about 16 seconds, which goes on to prove how fast I really ran that first mile in, because I was crawling those final 2.1 miles.

As always, let’s take a look at who beat me this time:

Sarah Boatright, 32, Fairfax, 19:28, 6:16: She’s now beaten me on land and water. Damn my nickname “Paul Boatwrong”. I guess it was destined to happen.

Hillary Luckie, 30, Fairfax, 23:32, 7:35: She got….

Lyle Drew, Alexandria, 21:35, 6:57: You know what I heard about guys with two first names, Lyle? You may run fast but God hates you. Like redheads. True story.

Josh Knickerbocker, Herndon, 21:39, 5:58: Didn’t make that one up, I swear. Ahh, Mr. Josh Knickerbocker, of the New York Knickerbockers. Right this way…

Wei Lu, Montgomery Village, 22:12, 7:09: Wei Me? I’m still .25 miles from the finish line. Wei Lu? Already done? Well, I guess you beat me then.

I’m not gonna lie, I’m really proud of that last joke. I’m gonna go out on a high note. Until next time.

Hey, have you donated to the Crohn’s and Colitis Foundation of America yet? Click here to find out how to sponsor me for the 2010 Marine Corp Marathon. I’ve currently raised $445.00. My goal is $2,000!

One Response to “Race #4: The Great Pumpkin 5K”

  1. Shannon Says:

    Paul, you’re HI-larious!! My son thinks I’m losing it as I sit here giggling at your post.

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