Hey Ya’ll, I Ran a Real Race



So a couple of weeks back, I ran my first official race – The Right Side Foundation 5k in Baltimore, hosted by Orioles right fielder Nick Markakis. It was such an incredible and life-changing experience that it took two weeks of quiet reflection to be able to fully express my emotions on this blog. Naw, I’m lying. I’m just lazy and didn’t feel like posting. Hey! I write for a living. You expect me to jump at the chance to give out this witty prose for free. That’s why they pay me the big bucks chicken feed at my major metropolitan newspaper local weekly. Cut me some slack.

It was pretty cool, though. (How’s that for insightful, jerk.)

When Mike and I decided to start this whole running thing, the RSF 5k was one of the first events we circled on the calendar. It’s hosted by one of my favorite players, it’s only a 5k and it’s right after an Orioles game. This event was made for me. Seriously though, this event was not made for me.

The race took place after a particularly brutal 17-8 loss to the LAA Angels. It was on a painfully hot sunday in mid-August. The majority of the race was uphill.

That’s the bad news. The good news is that I survived – barely survived. I finished with a time of 27:40, which is very much in line with my usual pace. That time was good enough for me to finish 147th out of 418 runners. More good news, right?

Let’s take a look at some of the people that beat me:

145, Edward Rigby, 52, from Glen Burnie – That’s one talented Mr. Rigby (Shaddup, it’s close enough).

120, Patrice Pillow, 51, from Glen Allen – Seriously, somebody with that name beat me by over a minute. What’s next, Sandra Duvet-Cover beating me at arm wrestling? Bernie Comforter stealing my girlfriend?

103, Roy Lebson, 59, from Randallstown – Twice my age.

96, Joseph Frommelt, 15, from Fairfax – Yup, that’s my little brother who has not be training for three months. He did it for fun. He beat me by over two minutes. I don’t think he broke a sweat.

Yeah, but look who I beat!

152, Mike Baziz, 68, from Baltimore – Better luck next time, old-timer. Greatest generation, HA!

185, Lauren Woods, 9, from Phoenix – Almost beat her by two minutes!

188, Jordan Kauffman, 9, from Baltimore – I LOVE beating 9-year-olds in physical activities.

380, Carter Playhard, 8, from New Market – Eight! Even better!

Point is, you gotta take the good with the bad. Did I perform about as well as I thought? Yeah. Did I fully understand how much losing to a new mother pushing a stroller and a girl with an obvious thyroid problem would hurt my ego? Nope. But you live and you learn.


I really hope I beat this guy.

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