Okay, So I Got Fat: Part III

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I don’t like running.

I don’t get a “running high.” Those who say they do are repugnant liars.

For me, running serves a purpose – the purpose of getting rid of my horrible horrible belly. But with my goal weight inching ever closer (I expect to drop below 200 pound by the weekend) I risked the very real possibility of falling right off the wagon shooting back up to 240 pounds.

I assume it would go something like this: After stepping off of a scale that reads 199, I would immediately plan a celebration. Celebration requires cake, naturally. Because it would be a very personal celebration – my personal accomplishment – the cake would solely be for me. I imagine that I would lock myself in a room, probably in my underwear and a pointy party hat and eat the entire cake.

Now, eating an entire cake is an accomplishment in itself. You know what that means? More celebratory cake. Finish the cake, celebrate with another cake. The wonderfully chocolaty cycle will continue until the sobs of my girlfriend become too much for me to handle and I leave the locked room, 40 pounds heavier.

I don’t want that to happen. So as my goal weight drew nearer. I decided to set another goal. Luckily, Mike was reaching his own breaking point with his belly. He first tried to literally survive on about 200 calories per day. When he realized that he is an unrealistic boob, he decided start a running adventure of his own.

So a plan was hatched. Mike and I would become marathon runners (I’ll pause for a second to let that sink in.)

Done laughing? Good.

We decided that the 2010 Marine Corps Marathon was close enough that we could brag about planning on running it but far enough away that we could wimp out before things got real.

To dip our toes in the water, we decided to sign up for various 5k and 10k events throught the next 14 months. The first one planned is a no-brainer: The Right Side Foundation First Annual 5k, hosted by Baltimore Oriole right fielder Nick Markakis.

Ugh, I guess we’re actually going to do this.

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