Okay, So I Got Fat: Part II, The Fat Guy Strikes Back With a Vengeance

by

Nipple2009

I know what many of you are wondering:

“Okay, so you realized that you were a fat nothing in May, why am I hearing about this a week into July.”

Fair point. This isn’t the beginning of my bittersweet affair with running. Since May 12, 2009,  I have run 46 times. I have covered 147.23 miles during for a total time of 25 hours, 40 minutes and 40 seconds. I’ve cut down from 235 pounds to a current weight of 202 pounds.

Let’s rewind back to May 1st.

Upon learning of my disgusting obesity, I decided that my plan of attack would be in three phases. Phase I: Eat like an adult. Phase II: Run! Phase III: Push some damn weights around. The first phase started the next day. Gone was McDonald’s, Wendy’s, Burger King and sweet sweet Five Guys. Red meat became a no-no. Chicken, rice, green veggies, salads and turkey sandwiches were the way to go.

Phase II started a soon after. Let’s just say that it didn’t start very well. Fun Fact: During the first week of track practice in high school, I ran in red high top Chuck Taylors. Another Fun Fact: I’m an idiot. So I wasn’t really prepared to run. I had a beat-up old pair of shoes and two atrophied sticks that some would consider legs. My first run went like this: run like a zombie for about a mile (the old Romero zombies, not the newfangled Danny Boyle zombies), walk for half a mile, curse my maker and cry a little bit, run home. This went on for about a week until I decided to get a little more serious.

I bought a fancy new pair of running shoes that included a slot for a Nike+ sensor. Mike has already praised this device in his first post and I pretty much agree. That’s how I know exactly how far I have run and for how long. That day I learned an important lesson… the more money I spend on this endeavor, the more I can shame myself into running. Plenty of trips to the Under Armor section of Dicks followed.

Anyhoo, starting on May 12th, I set a goal of getting down to 200 pounds by July 5th, 2009. Why 200 pounds? I dunno, sounded skinny. Why July 5th? That’s gonna take a bit of explaining. You see, July 5th is pretty much the only day of the year that I take my shirt off in public. I don’t really want to get into it too much, but on July 5, 1997, when Mike and I were nuble young boys, we were walking around without shirts like nuble young boys do. I don’t really remember the circumstances, but the frosting from a cake made it’s way onto our body and pictures were taken (first homosexual experience? Will investigate further).

Okay, I know it sounds stupid… and it is stupid. We were 13 years old. We were dumb. What’s worse is Mike and I (and a various assortment of friends) still cover our bodies in frosting every July 5th. Look, I’m not going to try and explain it any further – lets just move on. That’s the reason most of the pictures that I post on the blog look like Mike and I are covered in poop.

Okay, back on track. Sometime around sophomore year of college, we started dreading July 5th because it meant there would be photographic evidence of how fat we had gotten. 2008 was a particularly bad experience. I vowed that, while not looking sexy, I would at least not look like a whale.

I got close.

Next Time: So now what?

2 Responses to “Okay, So I Got Fat: Part II, The Fat Guy Strikes Back With a Vengeance”

  1. Amber Says:

    I’m just glad you clarified which kind of zombies we’re talking about here. When I run, I run like those 50-year-old women who are barely moving and then for some reason, I panic when other people approach. I have running anxiety! But maybe you’ll inspire me to try again. I do have a wedding coming up…

  2. Ruminating on Fifty « The Running Jerks Says:

    […] was to lose weight. I mean, I started this blog with a three-part epic about how I got fat (here, here and here). And I appreciate the genuine excitement that people have for my weight loss. It’s […]

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